


In which Nakai turns into a cat

by tsuristyle



Category: SMAP
Genre: Five perfect men in one bed, Gen, no fandom is complete without someone turning into a small fuzzy domestic animal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-21
Updated: 2016-12-21
Packaged: 2018-09-10 19:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8929201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsuristyle/pseuds/tsuristyle
Summary: There was a darkish patch over the cat's head that vaguely resembled a beanie, and faint marks around its eyes that rather uncannily matched the shape of the glasses their bandmate had been wearing."I think it is Nakai-kun," Tsuyoshi said, in awed horror.They stared at it again. It meowed angrily at them and fell over.(Written August 2012.)





	

Nakai had turned into a cat.  
  
It had happened right before their eyes. One moment, their bandmate had been picking at a bento, complaining that it tasted funny, and the next, with a clattering of chopsticks, he had vanished. And in his place, poking its head out from Nakai's jacket, was an extremely confused reddish-orange cat.  
  
They stared at it. It stared back.  
  
Kimura, Shingo, and Tsuyoshi glanced at each other. "Did Nakai just--"  
  
"He just--"  
  
"He turned into--  
  
"A cat," Goro concluded. He picked up the bento Nakai had been eating and sniffed it. "Maybe there was something in the food?"  
  
The cat struggled out of the pile of clothes and attempted to stand up. It promptly fell over.  
  
Shingo set the bento he'd been about to dig into back down. "But-- but that sort of thing only happens in cartoons!"  
  
Kimura sat down warily. "That's ridiculous. It can't actually _be_ him."  
  
As they watched, it slowly raised itself on its paws again and glared balefully at them. There was a darkish patch over the cat's head that vaguely resembled a beanie, and faint marks around its eyes that rather uncannily matched the shape of the glasses their bandmate had been wearing.  
  
"I think it _is_ Nakai-kun," Tsuyoshi said, in awed horror.  
  
They stared at it again. It meowed angrily at them and fell over.  
  
"I don't think he makes a very good cat," Goro observed.  
  
~  
  
Thankfully, Nakai's last work of the day had been the magazine shoot they were gathered for, and he'd already taken his turn. They sent his manager off with reassurances that Nakai definitely wouldn't be needing a ride home, and finished the rest of the shoot without any problems. Except for the obvious one, of course, which was--  
  
"He's still a cat," Shingo observed, peering over the back of the couch. Their bandmate-turned-cat was hiding behind a pillow, glaring at the world from behind cushioned safety. "What should we do?"  
  
"We can't leave him here," Goro said, folding Nakai's abandoned clothes and carefully tucking them into the older man's bag. "Someone has to take him home."  
  
Kimura nudged him. "You're the resident cat expert."  
  
Goro closed the zipper on Nakai's bag. "I don't think he'd get along well with _my_ cats," he said, with a faint smirk.  
  
"Probably wouldn't get along with two kids, either," Kimura agreed. "And I can't imagine Shizuka's face if I tried to explain this to her."  
  
"I've got SmaStation tonight," Shingo added, reaching his arm over the couch curiously. There was a hissing noise from behind the pillow. "I don't think he wants to come home with me, anyway."  
  
They turned. Tsuyoshi blinked at them. "Me?"  
  
"You've got the rest of the day off, right?" Goro set Nakai's bag at Tsuyoshi's feet. "I can bring supplies over, if you want."  
  
"If he'll let you take him home, that is." Shingo poked at the pillow, prompting another hiss. "Wanna try?"  
  
Tsuyoshi sat gingerly on the opposite end of the couch and extended a hand. "Um. Here, kitty?"  
  
Kimura kicked his ankle. "He's not a _cat_ cat."  
  
"Right." Tsuyoshi scratched his head uncertainly. "Nakai-kun? You can't stay here. I have to take you home with me."  
  
Goro tapped his chin thoughtfully. "I wonder if he understands?"  
  
There was no response. Tsuyoshi bent down so that he was level with the opening between the pillow and couch. "I'll feed you fish."  
  
A moment later, a pink nose poked out from behind the pillow, and Nakai-the-cat emerged wobbily from hiding. He looked around, glaring at his non-cat bandmates, and slunk over towards Tsuyoshi.  
  
Kimura raised an eyebrow. "I guess so."  
  
~  
  
"How is he?" Shingo's voice sounded distracted over the phone; he was probably driving.  
  
"Seems okay." Tsuyoshi glanced in the direction of his living room. "He's hiding under the kotatsu. I think he's sulking."  
  
"Probably in shock or something. I'll come by after SmaStation," Shingo said. "Have fun babysitting."  
  
"You're handling this awfully well," Tsuyoshi retorted, but Shingo simply laughed and hung up. He stuck his cell phone back in his bag and poked his head into the living room. Nakai-the-cat was still under the kotatsu.  
  
Tsuyoshi knelt down to look underneath. Nakai was hunched down, resting his head on his paws. It was kind of cute, in a way. "What's wrong?" Tsuyoshi asked. "I mean, besides the fact that you're a cat. I guess that's a pretty big problem."  
  
Nakai meowed mournfully at him. Tsuyoshi could only surmise that his bandmate had agreed. "It's probably not permanent, though. Maybe you'll be fine in the morning." He hoped so; he wasn't sure how they were going to explain Nakai's absence, otherwise. He couldn't imagine the national public accepting the idea that their beloved chattery emcee had turned into a small domestic animal and not, more believably, gone off the deep end and done a runner.  
  
His bandmate blinked at him doubtfully. Tsuyoshi shrugged. "We'll figure something out. You might as well enjoy being a cat while it lasts."  
  
Nakai-the-cat blinked again, thoughtfully, and lifted his head. "Mrow? Mrrrow?"  
  
"Um," Tsuyoshi said. "I have no idea what you just said."  
  
"Mrow," Nakai answered, and lifted himself up unsteadily on his paws. He twitched his tail experimentally and then slowly ambled out of the living room. "Mrr."  
  
"Right." Tsuyoshi watched as his bandmate-turned-cat disappeared around the corner. "I hope you're not going to go pee on my shoes or something."  
  
~  
  
"How is he? Has he figured out how to walk yet?" Goro toed his shoes off in the entranceway, nearly dropping the bag he was carrying in his excitement.  
  
Tsuyoshi rescued the bag, peeking inside it. "He seems to have gotten the hang of it." Canned cat food, cat litter, a brush... was that a squeaky mouse toy? "Thanks for bringing this stuff over."  
  
"Of course." Goro waved his hand, following Tsuyoshi down the hall. "Where is he-- aah!" He screamed as something reddish and furry leaped down from the nearby bookcase onto his head.  
  
"Nakai-kun!" Tsuyoshi glared at the cat on Goro's head. "I told you to stop doing that! You could hurt yourself!" Nakai gave him a look that was clearly amused and jumped down, sauntering away.  
  
"Sorry," Tsuyoshi told his startled bandmate, setting the bag of cat supplies down. "He's been doing that all evening."  
  
"I'm glad he's keeping himself entertained," Goro said dryly, reaching up to fix his hair.  
  
~  
  
"At least try a little," Tsuyoshi said reasonably, nudging the dish towards his bandmate. "Goro-san said having nothing but fish would be bad for you."  
  
"Mrr."  
  
"C'mon, he said _his_ cats love this stuff." Tsuyoshi eyed the globules of glistening brown mush. Goro's cats obviously didn't share their master's sense of aesthetics. "Doesn't it, uh, smell good?"  
  
Nakai gave him a look that said he was having none of this bullshit.  
  
Tsuyoshi sighed. "How about if I try some first? Then will you try it?" He went and fetched a spoon from the kitchen, and, with some hesitation, scooped up some of the mushy brown globules. They glistened at him.  
  
Just imagine it's pudding, he told himself, and took a bite, trying not to breath through his nose.  
  
It was decidedly _not_ like pudding.  
  
Nakai watched with amused interest as Tsuyoshi spat into the kitchen sink. "Right," Tsuyoshi said, attempting to wash the horrible, horrible taste out of his mouth, "we're having fish tonight."  
  
Nakai meowed enthusiastically in agreement.  
  
~  
  
After an excellent dinner of grilled fish, they settled on the couch to watch SmaStation. It was, coincidence of coincidences, a special on pets.  
  
Tsuyoshi glanced over as a cat attacked Shingo's ankles on screen. "Don't get any ideas." Nakai was curled on the far cushion, watching attentively.  
  
On screen, Shingo yelped as the cat tried to climb up his back, and the show went to commercial. A moment later, Tsuyoshi's phone rang.  
  
"I've decided I hate cats," Shingo said without preamble. "Everything Goro says about them being relaxing, healing companions is complete utter nonsense."  
  
Tsuyoshi laughed. "We've been watching. I think Nakai-kun is enjoying it."  
  
"Hm. Maybe I should just go home after this instead."  
  
Nakai stretched, and made his way across the couch to curl in Tsuyoshi's lap. Tsuyoshi reached down to scratch behind his ears absentmindedly. "No, no, you should come! I even saved some extra fish for you."  
  
"I'm _so_ flattered. Whoops, gotta go-- see you afterwards." Shingo hung up quickly, and a few seconds later he was grinning brightly from Tsuyoshi's TV screen. Nakai yawned.  
  
~  
  
Tsuyoshi had just started to doze off-- maybe Goro was right, there was something very relaxing about a warm, fuzzy cat in one's lap-- when his phone rang again. Tsuyoshi picked it up without looking, thinking it was Shingo again. "Yeah?"  
  
"Anything change?" It was Kimura. Tsuyoshi sat up straight, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Oh! Um, no, he's still a cat." He looked down at Nakai, who was purring sleepily in his lap. Life as a cat seemed pretty nice, actually.  
  
"Okayletmeknowifanythingchangesbye." Tsuyoshi blinked and stared at the _Call time: 0:00:05_ flashing on his phone. He and Kimura weren't exactly given to long conversations, but...  
  
His phone rang again. "Hello?"  
  
"Hey, what's your ohwaitGoroknowsitnevermindbye." _Call time: 0:00:03_.  
  
Tsuyoshi waited, but no more mysterious calls were forthcoming from his bandmate. Oh well, pretty soon Shingo would be--  
  
"I'm here!" Shingo let himself in, thumping his bag down in the hallway and sauntering into the living room. He plopped down next to Tsuyoshi, stretching and yawning broadly. "Did you know cats swallow their own fur and hack it up later in a big, disgusting ball?"  
  
"Hi, Shingo," Tsuyoshi replied, scritching the back of Nakai's neck. Their bandmate-turned-cat had cracked open an eye to glare sleepily at the new presence. "I dunno, I think they're pretty nice, actually."  
  
"I see he's made himself at home." Shingo returned Nakai's evil eye and laid an arm along the back of the couch, behind Tsuyoshi. "Has he peed on anything yet?"  
  
Nakai stretched one paw out and delicately hooked his claws into Shingo's leg.  
  
"Ow!"  
  
Tsuyoshi looked down at Nakai. "That wasn't very nice." His bandmate purred contentedly.  
  
Shingo rubbed his leg. "Alright, alright, I'm sorry I insulted your temporary species. Hopefully temporary, anyway." He stretched his arm out on the back of the couch again. "Guess we won't know 'til morning. Mind if I stay?"  
  
"No, but--" Tsuyoshi broke off as the doorbell rang. _Now_ who was it?  
  
Goro poked his head into the living room. "It was open, so we let ourselves in. We brought treats!" Kimura followed behind him, carrying a plastic bag full of cans.  
  
"Kimura-kun?" Shingo sat up, dropping his arm to dangle over the back of the couch. "How'd you get out of the house?"  
  
"Goro told her it was a group emergency." Kimura set the bag down on Tsuyoshi's kotatsu. It contained three beers, one of those gross 'alcohol-free' beers, and a can of cat treats. "Which I guess it _is_ , technically." He stared at the cat curled peacefully in Tsuyoshi's lap.  
  
"It _will_ be, if he doesn't change back," Goro said, handing out the respective beers. He waved the cat treats in front of Nakai hopefully, but their bandmate just blinked sleepily and ignored them. "Maybe we should take him to a vet?"  
  
"Hey, it could work." Shingo cracked open his beer, gulping it down with a satisfied sigh. "He won't be able to emcee anymore, but his singing should be about the same."  
  
Tsuyoshi smacked him, trying to hold back a laugh. "We're being _serious_ , here."  
  
Shingo grinned, offering the beer. "We could even train him to dance. With a little headset."  
  
Tsuyoshi giggled, waving the offer away. "No, really, what should we do? No one's gonna believe it's _him_."  
  
"No choice but to wait and see," Kimura said, opening his own beer and sitting on the floor next to Goro. "Mind if we stay?"  
  
Tsuyoshi glanced down at the bandmate-turned-cat in his lap, and then back up at his non-cat bandmates. "No, but--"  
  
~  
  
"Guys, my bed isn't _that_ big," Tsuyoshi protested, cradling the dozing Nakai against his chest as his bandmates followed him down the hall.  
  
"Big enough for four," Shingo said, squeezing past and bouncing on the queen-sized bed. "See?"  
  
Tsuyoshi carefully laid Nakai down in the center of the bed. Nakai lifted his head, looking around, and then stood, stretched sleepily, groomed himself for a moment, and curled back into a reddish-orange ball.  
  
"If only he'd been that easy to deal with in high school," Kimura murmured.  
  
There was just enough space for four. Shingo snuggled comfortably around Tsuyoshi, who curled around Nakai-- "To keep you from rolling on top of him," he'd told Shingo-- and Goro took the other side, giggling as Kimura slid an arm around his waist, ostensibly to keep from falling off the bed.  
  
"I wonder what would've happened if we'd eaten those bentos," Tsuyoshi pondered, after the lights were turned out and everyone had settled. "Would we all be animals now?"  
  
"Kimura-kun'd probably be a dog." Shingo yawned. "One of those kinds that's always in the water."  
  
Kimura _hmm_ ed softly. "Shingo'd be a golden retriever. A great big hulking one that jumps on you and slobbers all over your face."  
  
"And Goro-chan would be a chihuahua," Shingo added. "One of those little nervous, yappy things that models dress up and carry around in their purses--"  
  
"Hey!" Goro reached over Tsuyoshi to hit Shingo.  
  
"Goro-san would be a cat, of course," Tsuyoshi reassured him. "What about me?"  
  
Shingo yawned again. "Probably a hamster." He giggled and nearly fell off the bed as Tsuyoshi reached back to swat him.  
  
"I hope he _does_ turn back, though," Tsuyoshi said, curling around Nakai again. He stroked his bandmate's fuzzy neck sleepily, and fell asleep to the sound of purring.  
  
~  
  
At 5:47am, exactly twelve hours after Nakai had eaten that fateful bento, the furry reddish-orange cat curled in the middle of Tsuyoshi's bed vanished. And in its place, there was a very confused and disoriented Nakai, completely naked except for a beanie and a pair of glasses.  
  
"What-- the-- _fuck_?"  
  
The bed was decidedly _not_ big enough for five. Shingo went rolling off the side with a yelp. Goro elbowed Kimura in his surprise to find a naked man lying next to him.  
  
Tsuyoshi opened his eyes. "You're back!"  
  
Nakai sat up. "What the _hell_ was that? Why are you all in bed with me? Why does my mouth feel like--" He made a horrified face and bolted out of the room.  
  
"Hacking up a hairball already," Shingo said victoriously, climbing back onto the bed. "I told you cats were gross."  
  
"I'm already missing the peace and quiet," Kimura grumbled, rubbing his side.  
  
Goro looked thoughtful. "Think we can order some more of those bentos--"  
  
"No!" Three voices shouted at once, accompanied by distant sounds of gargling from Tsuyoshi's bathroom.  
  
~  
  
Nakai went home and went back to work like the nation's beloved chattery emcee had _not_ spent twelve hours as a small domestic animal, and everything went back to normal. He ate fish and drank beer and took baths with extra relish, perhaps, but otherwise, he was completely the same.  
  
(Except sometimes, when he wasn't paying attention, Nakai would make a little rumbling noise in the back of his throat, and the other members would know he was secretly feeling content.)  
  
But the one thing the other four regretted, and would continue to regret for years to come, was that in the twelve hours their leader had spent as a small, cute, fuzzy domestic animal, _no one_ , not one of them, had remembered to take a picture.


End file.
